journaling, personal truths, Uncategorized

Hello, 2021!

I’m baaacccckkkk.

Seriously, though,

I really let go of blogging last year. My depression set in, and my world went haywire in June. June 1st to be exact.

As with everyone, 2020 proved to be the year of great trial, gratitude, and many suffered from great depression. I went through many stages,

On June 1, 2020, I was coming back from Orlando with my oldest daughter from her Nuerology appointment. All was well until we were close to home. My truck began to overheat. Having dealt with this so many times before, I pulled over and popped the hood. I called my husband on Video (He is a tower climber, and works on the road) to show him what was going on. This, my friends, is where things went horribly wrong. I began to tell my daughter to get the water jug, coming back from where I was leaned over. The radiator was hissing and I bumped it with my elbow.

If you have never been doused with boiling hot radiator fluid, consider yourself lucky. If you have never gotten it in your eyes and tasted it, consider yourself luckier. I’ll spare you the boring details, there was of course a 911 call and an ambulance ride. There were burns that have since healed over and left minimal, if any scaring, and just change in skin texture on my eyelids and chest.

The worst part was not being able to see.

That incident left me blinded. Unsure if I was going to see again. This is where I am glad that I keep my house in pretty good order because I knew how to get around my house by touch. Or where most things were.

For the first week, all I could see was light and dark. But black. No shapes, no blurs. My husband was home within days of the accident. I could not see the faces of my children, my family, my husband. I could only hear them, and I heard every little noise which is very discerning when you can’t see. In the midst of this, my 14 and 5 year old were in a car accident with their father and had to get physical therapy.

July brought me some of my sight back. My husband moved home and my kids that live in North Carolina came for the summer. All was becoming well. July 4th I ended up calling an ambulance for my husband because he was having seizures. He made it home, we did a cook out with family.

By the end of July the kids and I were stir crazy and my husband was working on the road during the week and home on weekends.

Those of you who have 4 children all the time, I worship you. The teenager tried to help.

August brought heartache. My grandmother died the first week of August. The next week I lost a friend to alcoholism, the next a friend to suicide. The last week in August, The same day our kids went home was the same day my husband and I had a huge discussion and things went bad quickly. 3 days later my great grandmother died, my husband totaled our brand new van with my 5 year old in the car (poor kid, 2 in one summer!) and when we got home from picking them up, my husband asked for a divorce.

I will spare you all the mundane details. I moved into the living room, went back to work and was homeschooling my kids full time on top of working.

In November though, that is when I really broke. And I am still healing. Three days after my first divorce hearing, my mother died. Unexpectedly. 3 days before her funeral, I had one last hearing. My divorce finalized the 28th.

Losing my mother was my breaking point. 2020 sucked, but I went through so much it was the longest year ever.

Since then it has been a cluster you know what.

My husband (yes, I still call him that) and I got back together in December (I know I know and I still dont have a full reason as to why their was a divorce) and we are better than ever. My 3 brothers and I are desperatly trying to save our mothers home. 2 of my brothers have disabilities and 2 of us siblings work. But we are doing our best to survive without her.

So that is the rundown of 2020 ending. 2021 has actually brought some great things, some major changes in life and I am ready for whatever 2021 throws at me.

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